wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
