haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
