i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
