i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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