How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Soap is not a condiment
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
