i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
