Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
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