Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
