Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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