White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
