And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
