so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
