He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
