fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Pooping to opera.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
