his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
