i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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