I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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