It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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