Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
