So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
