Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
