Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
