His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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