I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
