i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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