The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
