I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
this boner is exhausting
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
