when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
