having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
