Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
