She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
