Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
