The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Randomize
