Just cropdusted the office
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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