I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
