He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
