just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
