Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
