Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
