hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
