Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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