I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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