He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize
