he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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