if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
