what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
