Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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