I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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