maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
