Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
