i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
