I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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