I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
