Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
