I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
