a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
