you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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