just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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